Thursday, March 02, 2006


High School Isn't Harder On Anyone Than The High-Schoolers

No one was as confused as I was
when I found that box of glass eyeballs
in my locker. My high school
did not even have a prosthetics program,
so those eyeballs must’ve traveled
a long, long way to get there;
it must’ve been a long way to travel
to confuse me.

But I don’t like to look confused;
am I too proud? Or is it an older aversion --
maybe I don’t want to look weak
in front of the other high school students
lest they gang up on and eat me.

Those may have been idle musings,
but at the time they were enough for me,
all of a sudden every other human creature
was a danger to me and my eyeballs
(including the extra ones -- possession
being so much of the law back then.)

So I knocked over all of the tables
in Mrs. Caldwell’s third period,
and then I righted only one of them,
on which I stood and said to the gathering crowd:
That’s right! Look at me! I’m crrr-
aazy! And I’m a-gonna put your eyeballs out
one by one, so buy my one-and-only
brand-new prosthetic eyeballs now
before they’re gone.

And after that I was OK for a while,
on that ship of cutthroats called high school,
until I joined the water polo team --
everyone’s so mean to the water polo team.


Helen the Felon said...

Thanks for the visual(s).

I want my five bucks, Shafer.

shanna said...


Lori Witzel said...

HA!!! Y'all made me snort tea out my nose. Glad I discovered you.

sybil said...

I was talking for some time about the travelling wilburys and how the guy from elo must be pissed. he had his short, brief moment playing with genius. his name in lights, with theirs. then roy died and his estate pulled the rights. you can't buy the first record anywhere and the second doesn't hold water at all. then george died and the dream did too. for a while, a sweet while, it was george, tom, bob, roy and jeff. even if people didn't really know who jeff was, it was still jeff. now if people even remember the travelling wilburys at all, its george, tom, bob, roy and that guy from elo. man, is he pissed!